I am completely chasing my tail this week but am determined to catch up on the blogging front. Apologies to my fan. I'm attempting to splatter my daily dazzlers back in, as if I never missed a post. Just need to figure out (a) how to add more hours to the day, or (b) how to make myself invisible for an hour or so every day so I can be at one with my ranting, tangent-encumbered self. Furthermore, why won't someone pay me for my genius thought-provoking rants? Talk amongst yourselves.

Tuesday's Teaser - Naughty Girls Goin' for the Gold??

Did anyone know that there is an International Pole Dancing Fitness Association?? Me either. Did you know that pole-dancing has become the 00's answer to step-aerobics (not sure how you write it for this decade...ya know...like the 80's...)? Me either. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Ms. Fonda. I've obviously been living under a rock. All the women around me seem to be tuned in and hip to the scene, although not participating in this desperate housewives' dream within a dream. Bear with me here, as I am actually going somewhere with this, but not before I overshare.

Note: this is that grey area everyone tells you not to blog about, for fear that prospective employers (or those of your husband) will read it and circular-file your/his resume. Most of you know that I'm not a big fan of editing myself, ever, whether speaking or writing (just ask my poor mother, I mortify her daily), so I will press on...

Pole dancing. My friend and former butt-kicker (i.e.trainer) Michaela introduced me to this up-n-coming erotic cheesefest last summer, and I have to tell you that I thought seriously about giving it a whirl. I know...lol times a thousand...but it is by far not the most cockamamie thing I've pondered in my lifetime. Michaela came over for lunch one day and wanted to show me the Flirty Girl Fitness website http://www.flirtygirlfit.com/. We watched the demos with great admiration and awe. Didn't I think it would be fun to try, she wanted to know. Enter another big fat LOL. Just the idea of trying to pull off one of those moves, be it pole or chair dancing...What could that possibly look like??? I could only picture an animal, wounded, flailing...

Nevertheless, I was curious. The wheels were turning. I was trying to come up with my pseudo-stripper name, wondering what my good church-going neighbors would say when my 6-yr-old blurted something out about mommy's new hobby. I took the next logical step and consulted with Hubby. Shocker (not)...he was ready to have a pole installed in our bedroom the next day. I found a local pole-dancing fitness studio here in Tampa, bookmarked the website, and called to inquire about beginner classes. I hemmed and hawed about it (not painstakingly) for a few weeks, and sadly, in the end, decided that it's just one of those things I am going to have to leave unchecked on the bucket list.

Maybe I'll revisit this when I'm 50 (hee.hee), but for now am going to set my sights on the original P90 program (not P90X - way too hardcore), which is currently on my laptop, patiently waiting for 'the day'. For any of you who think you could 'bring it' to the pole (you know who you are), you should really check out the Flirty Girl website. It looks like a blast, and it's great for cardio and strength training. I have the athletic ability of a rhino, and the grace of an ostrich, so am thinking I made a sensible call here.

Okay...back to the Intl. Pole Dancing Association. You may have seen the articles Monday on MSNBC and/or ESPN (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35524563/ns/world_news-weird_news/), but just to re-cap, these dancers (athletes) want to take it to the next level and make pole dancing legit. They want to make it an Olympic sport. Again, I have to say, what would that look like? I realize that these 'fitness studios' are popping up all over the country, but when you make it an olympic event, it's going to lose some of it's seedy/sensual side, no? Am just trying to picture it...hot bettys, stilettos, sexy music, and million's of spectators all over the world watching and tuning in. Familys gathered in their living rooms to cheer on their favorite pole dancer. Can you imagine trying to sell this to the NBC execs from a ratings standpoint?

I wouldn't have picked up on it were it not a fairly mainstream story this week, which makes it that much funnier. My standard question applies: What in the Hell is going on? More power to these gals. I recognize fully that it's a very athletic activity. Would I call it a sport? Probably not. Would I call curling a sport? Sorry, not to offend, but it's more like shuffleboard or hopscotch, which in my opinion are not sports. Would I tune in to watch? You bet your sweet a** I would. Lots of sports haven't made it to Olympic fame, including squash and cricket. The Intl. Olympic Committee is working hard to eliminate anything deemed a demonstration sport. I'm thinking the dollar-in-the-g-string gig might qualify as such. Still, these 'hopefuls' are still actually picturing themselves as Olympic athletes. The power of positive thinking probably isn't enough in this case. In my estimation, I have about as much chance as they do to make it to London in 2012.

Back later today with Monday's Mayhem (which will actually be Thursday's Mayhem, which doesn't really flow) and Wednesday's Wacko (hint: I am simply gaga).