Sunday's Sofa-Surfin' Sidenote(s) -



I spent eight hours driving this weekend (four hours there and four hours back) getting Liam to baseball camp on the other side of the state (Del Ray Beach). With little more to see than cows on the side of the road, and annoying trucks full of oranges slowing me down, it was a snoozefest of a roadtrip. This can only mean way too much time for Kerry's warped and disgruntled grey matter to be idle. In typical fashion, I ended up with lots of useless ponderings on the universe. Have been compiling a list in my head of the things that really annoy me about humanity, American humanity in particular. A short list:

1. Nincompoops who drive at or below the speed limit in the left-hand lane. Something very strange happened while we were living overseas. I came back to a nation full of people who don't understand what the left lane of the highway is for. If you are not going to drive at least 10-20 miles/hour faster than the speed limit, then get the Hell out of the left lane. And even then, if someone comes up behind you and is literally riding your ass, GET OVER. It's not complicated, people. I couldn't possibly begin to count the examples of this in my eight hours of driving. On the highway of life, these morons can't possibly hope to get far. Never mind driving in Eastern Europe - they'd be guardrail fodder before they knew what hit 'em. Rather than complain about this unmitigated nightmare and do nothing, a group called Left Lane Drivers Unite! has come up with a brilliant idea. I'm not on the highway enough to warrant it, but if I were a regular road-tripper, I'd be all over this decal for my windshield...
   
2. Proud pet-owners (sorry, but this is mostly older women) who dress their little dogs in clothing, push them around in strollers, and sit them at the table in restaurants. WTF? Ranted about this on FB yesterday (the clothing part, at least), but it's still stuck in my head, rattling around. I have little dogs, and I absolutely don't get it. What's it all about? They are not human - THEY ARE DOGS!!! I must have seen at least fifty couples yesterday having a day out at the arts and crafts festival with their pseudo-children. BIZARRE is not the word. And the strollers...are you serious??
3. Nitwits who find it utterly necessary to sit on their cell phones in a public place and make sure everyone is listening and taking note of how important they are. Bleh!!!! Stopped to get ice cream with Liam last night and the bozo to the right of us just kept calling people, talking obnoxiously loud, and yammering on about absolutely nothing. To the left, there was some broad who, while clearly distraught and in need of counseling, talked so loudly that every person within a block knew what was happening in her life. GO AWAY already, you freaks, and let us just enjoy the simple pleasure of an ice cream cone on a warm summer's eve!
4. Bimbos waiting next to you for the elevator who feel the need to jump on when the doors open, before anyone has a chance to get off. This is also applicable for buses, subways, and well...pretty much anywhere people are coming in and going out. Common courtesy dictates...just have a little patience. Getting on or off that elevator ten seconds faster is not going to make the trip any shorter. Had my hands full of coffee and juice yesterday, waiting off to the right for the doors to open and people to get off (breakfast rush hour). Chick flys up and jumps on before anyone gets off, and comes within a millimeter of sending my hot coffee flying through the air. I am usually pretty good about refraining, but had no choice but to say something.
5. Last one, promise. The jackass in front of me at the grocery store, who stands there for ten minutes watching Sally scan his/her (again, usually her) groceries. Then, when Sally has finished, (s)he starts to dig furiously through her bag for (a) a stack of coupons that she hasn't yet sifted through and (b) a checkbook - could have probably already filled out that check, no? ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I love coupons, use 'em all the time. Again, I stand somewhere off to the side and pull out the ones I need before handing them to the cashier when she starts scanning. I also use a credit card to pay for my groceries. Hello???? Welcome to 2010.

Okay. I'm done. For now. I'm not an angry person. I'm not a big complainer. Still, what the heck is going on out there? Rhetorical question. Very simply, the world is full, I mean overflowing, with self-important, egocentric, ding-dongs. I am not highly intelligent, more enlightened than the next guy, or in possession of the secret to functioning effectively in society. Truthfully, one day spent out and about in Moronville, on the road or in the grocery store, and I seriously just want to stay home for a month.

Thirsty Thursday - Or Not

No thirst here, My Lovelies. Turns out, I have that one completely covered at the moment. For the 736th time in my life, I am back on the workout/diet wagon, and drinking my 10 X 10 ounces of water a day (Note: 1 US gallon = 128 US fl. ounces). It's an exercise in floating through the day, intestinally-speaking, but as we all know, hydration is the key. I thought it was Hubby snoring last night as usual, but realized that I was waking up once an hour to that gurgling, more-food-less-water-PLEASE sound.

Two things to share with you on this fine thirst-quenched Thursday morning, neither of which are relevant and/or important to this topic, or for that matter, to 99% of my eight readers. Blogging rule #23...hook 'em, and reel 'em in...

1. I am a ginormous SUCKER. This is not a revelation, rather a confirmation. I worked out with my good friend and health nut, Agi, yesterday, and picked up a few more must-have items for my neverending journey to the healthy side of life. This is a side which I also consider in some ways to be purgatory. Logically, once you get there, you should really stay there forever. As if. I should say first that I absolutely love the Isagenix system, Agi's main gig, and believe wholeheartedly that it has incredible health/weightloss benefits. I am more than happy to give testimony to that effect. Agi has inspired me and motivated me with Isagenix and lots of other good gobbeldy-gook, so for that I praise her. All that being said...Girlfriend, I love ya, but this time I'm gonna call it like I see it - I've been had. The product: IsaWater: Alkalized Concentrate. The program: one pump into every glass of water to increase the pH level, thereby neutralizing the free-radicals and making it healthier. I bought it - hook, line, and sinker. For $30 (120 pumps = .40 additional cost per glass/bottle of water). I KNOW!!! Moral of this story. Too much healthy usually = too much money. Shared my newfound drops with Hubby last night at the dinner table and he was, needless to say, utterly unimpressed.
2. Too much healthy could also result in a very embarrassing situation. In addition to drinking almost a gallon of water/day with special drops, I'm using another product called IsaFlush. Two capsules, taken right before bed with a big glass of water, so that you will wake up in the morning and have a beautiful, healthy poop. Sounds great, no? Here's where the TMI part comes in. Woke up this morning to a NOT VERY PLEASANT discovery, whereby I had to scream at poor Hubby, who was just trying to open his eyeballs, "GET OUT OF BED, QUICK!" Ewwwwwwwwwww!!! That hasn't happened for at least 36 years or so. Sorry Guys, I know I should keep these great anecdotes to myself, but it's way more fun to take others along on my journey of H2-Oh-Hell. On a positive note, hopefully I have another 35 years or so before I have to worry about this becoming an everyday occurrence. I know!!! I'm in desperate need of professional help. Appointment with therapist at 5:40pm today :) xo.

Tuesday's Teaser(s) - I didn't really come up with the 'gotta get it, gotta have it' of the day, so thought I would share some hot links that popped up on my favoUrite blogs/websites over the last day or so instead. Note: these links may be offensive, so don't click if you don't have a sense of humoUr, please...

1. Check out these hysterical souvenir photos, taken on roller coasters around the country and compiled by the folks over at Slightly Warped. I repeat, don't click if you are easily offended.

2. 6 Things Men Do To Get Laid That Science Says Turn Women Off. Love it. My girl Kathy (Cracked.com) hits the nail on the head here, and she is funny - extremely funny, as a matter of fact - in her exploration of the age-old dilemma of boys chasing girls. What the Hell went wrong??? There are obviously just as many no-no potholes for the women out there to avoid, but it's way more fun to laugh at the guys (at least when you are me).

3. Okay, since I'm ripping on the guys, it's only fair to throw them a bone, and acknowledge that 4 out of these 8 Sports Events That Should Be Yearly Holidays are actually fairly reasonable requests. Should say, that since I blogged about Opening Day yesterday, that's going to be one of the four. PS. This is a fun website (Guyism.com)

4. Have read lots of reviews, mostly not jumping-up-and-down excited about the release of Apple's new iPad. Here's a great Flowchart to Decide If You Should Buy an I-PAD. Very funny. (HolyTaco.com)

5. Rounding out my list of random links for the day: The Best Episode of Oprah Ever (Gawker.TV). I don't watch Oprah unless she's scheduled an über-guest and I actually know about it ahead of time (this rarely happens). I was bummed to find out that I missed Steve Carell and Tina Fey today, two of the funniest people on the planet. No worries, got to catch them here.

Monday's Mayhem - Opening Day, Baby!!!

I know, this clip is all over the net today, so chances are if you're in the US you've seen it, but it is just so priceless, had to post it here.



I'm not a Redsox fan. I'm not a Yankees fan. Guess I should be a Rays fan. I'm probably an Indians fan. Fact is, I just haven't really figured it out yet. Whatever the allegiance, I am both a baseball and an Opening Day fan. I've only been fortunate enough to experience Opening Day on the field once, and it was a Cincinnati Reds game (circa 1994). What a day. So much fun - the parade, the beer, the game, the beer... This year, Mr. Johnny Bench was the Grand Marshall for Cinci's Opening Day parade. Lookin' good Johnny...



Opening Day in Cincinnati is the real deal. It's home to the oldest baseball franchise in the league, and their official kick-off of the new season is steeped in tradition. It's an unofficial holiday there, with lots of folks playing hooky from school or work to catch the action.

For millions of fans, Opening Day means a clean slate for their teams, with everyone starting anew. For me, it's kinda like Spring cleaning (which, by the way, I don't do). New season, new start, new leaves on the trees...the whole thing lending itself to new chances. Not just for baseball, but for everything. It feels more like a new start somehow than New Year's Day. Not sure why, and I certainly don't tune in to watch baseball all day long, I just like the fact that it exists. My Tribe didn't fair so well yesterday, losing 6-0 against the Whitesox, but it was still a beautiful Monday out there in baseball land. My Rays didn't play yesterday, but are losing 3-2 to the Orioles in the bottom of the seventh. The beauty of baseball - 162 games in the season, it's anyone's ballgame. Okay, maybe not anyone, and probably not the Reds, but it's a long road to the World Series.

Liam is headed to the Bucky Dent Baseball School on Saturday for a week in Del Ray Beach, and he's pretty excited about it. You've heard me ramble on about it before, but he's definitely struggling in his second season, matched up with kids that have been playing baseball since they could walk. Still, he gets out there and does what he can to contribute. He may not be headed for Major League Baseball, but he's sure gonna give it a swing or two.

Sunday's Sidenote - Egg Picking

Happy Easter! Hope everyone is enjoying their day. Beautiful and sunny here, so Mr. EB was able to leave his loot outdoors this year. I love watching Keira searching high and low for the eggs. She's the last, so I guess that makes it more special. A few more Easters, and I'm gonna have to wait for grandkids to experience that pure joy again. Anyway, I may have blogged about this back in the day, but can't remember.

We have an Easter tradition in our house called 'Picking Eggs'. It's an old Polish tradition that Bill grew up with in Baltimore, playing it every year with his very Polish grandparents (the Wielechowskis). We all pick a colored egg and ensue knocking them point to point or butt to butt. When one end is cracked, we switch ends and go again. You keep playing with your egg against everyone at the table until both ends are cracked. Who ever has an egg that doesn't crack wins. There's another version whereby when both ends of someone's egg are cracked, the winner keeps it. This doesn't work as well for us, since one guy usually ends up with a whole lotta cracked eggs that couldn't possibly be eaten in one breakfast :) Either way, the kids love it and look forward to it every year.

Here's a video of Riley, post-picking. His egg was undefeatable this year, and cracked all eleven opponents. He was very excited, and decided to see what was tougher, his skull or his egg...

I tried to find something online to learn more about the tradition and where it came from. Found one blogger whose grandfather was also Polish and from Baltimore and had great memories of picking eggs as a kid. He had no idea what it was called, but said that boys would roam the alleys on Easter asking "Who's got an egg?" or, more oddly, "who's gotta guinea?" and then they'd play. I also found another blogger writing about the Pennsylvania Dutch tradition of egg picking, very similar to the Polish version.

Egg breaking games have been popular for centuries in other countries, too. In England it is called egg-shackling. Egg-shackling is often associated with the Polish custom known as Dingus, or Smigus, and takes place on Easter Monday, or ‘Ducking Monday,’ as it is often called in Eastern Europe. Young men and girls splash each other vigorously with water, and it is after this procedure, when both sides are thoroughly wet, that the egg-shackling begins.

Hungarian sidenote. In Hungary, unmarried girls used to be seized by the local young men at daybreak on Ducking Monday, dragged off to some pond or stream, and thrown in. This was supposed to make them good potential wives! Unfortunately, this grand old custom, where it survives, is no longer quite so drastic. The girls are no longer ducked, but buckets of water are tipped over them, or they are generously sprinkled or splashed with water, or sprayed with perfume. They are, of course, expected to submit with good grace, and even in some areas, to pay for the privilege with gifts of painted eggs, or glasses of brandy (Palinka).

Riley and Liam used to do this on Easter Monday in the Hungarian village where we lived. They would go from house to house, spraying the young girls and sometimes old ladies with perfume, getting chocolate or money in return. I remember one year, they each came home with a mountain of chocolate and more than 2,000 forints ($10). Seems strange to me that there isn't much left here in the way of century-old customs. Why is that? As I watched my kids peering into their baskets this morning, filled with lots of store-bought sugar and video games, I had a glimpse of why.

There's a beautiful village in Hungary called Hollókő, where we spent several Easter Sundays, observing the rich culture and tradition that defines it. The folk costumes, the dancing, several generations looking on as they come together to celebrate Easter. Imagine, they weren't permitted to celebrate religious holidays for half of a century under communism, and yet, somehow, tradition lives on.

Before I post, wanted to shift back to egg-picking for a minute. Can you imagine, we were invited to have Easter dinner with friends, and discovered when we got there that they too, have an egg-picking tradition, called Egg Wars at their house. My friend is Bulgarian, so obviously this is further evidence that it originated in Eastern Europe. Here are a couple of photos of Keira and Johnny, crushing eggs.