Throwback Thursday again...

Was pondering what to pontificate on this afternoon, and I think I'm gonna make it all about me. Haha. Also, am blogging for the first time from the iPad, so we will see how that goes.  Sooooo....what's happening with me?  Well, at the moment I'm feeling UNBELIEVABLY unmotivated, much like a bump on a log.  And in reference to Throwback Thursday, have spent the better part of the morning thinking about Retro Kerry, i.e. the 'old me', before I was old that is :)  Seriously, I can remember a point when the kids were little, when I would run around like a chicken with it's head cut off from sun-up to sundown filling my day with things.  My house was always in perfect order, laundry done, etc... There was barely time to sit down, I had so much to accomplish.  Now, whether it's the pile of laundry that's sitting there staring at me, or the Halloween decorations that never made it out of the box, I'm asking a lot of questions to myself, including "what's the point?" and "why bother?"  Is it really going to make a big difference in someone's life if their laundry isn't done today?  Okay, eventually they will run out of clothes and it will, but really???  What's the bigger picture, here?  What am I missing?

I know I blogged last week about being a stay-at-home mom and how important a job it is.  I believe that with all my heart, and this discussion wasn't meant to take away from that, I just think sometimes that there must be more to this gig than I'm getting.  Like, why don't I wake up with a huge sense of purpose and direction every morning, focused on all that needs to be done around the house and what I can do to be productive?  I just don't see the point, so I let it go.  Now, I can see EVERY good reason to sit down and spend three hours blogging...there's a finished product, even if nobody is reading it.  I made something.  I just don't get that sense of satisfaction in grocery shopping or cleaning the house.  Ya know what I think about when I'm grocery shopping?  "Well, here we go again...I'm gonna buy a ton of food, then they are going to eat it, and then I will be right back here, doing this all over again".  Isn't that terrible.  Rather than be grateful that I can fill my fridge and my kids with healthy food, I'm seeing the whole experience as a waste of time.  Somehow, the key to this must be finding joy in the mundane.  I guess I don't do that very well, I want every day to be a trip to Busch Gardens, and it just isn't.  Anyway, I'm sure of one thing.  While I can't find the motivation to keep my house the way I think I should, it won't mean a thing in a hundred years.  Haha.